Dildo, Dildon't

I just used germ x that smells like my jerk ex but I’m really tired and its actually a comforting smell right now I don’t get my brain

schazam:

i-think-im-so-funny:

This is so true it’s not even funny.

schazam:

i-think-im-so-funny:

This is so true it’s not even funny.

knightscrest:

me: *has self esteem issues* “hey i am kinda cool and great”

everyone else: stop being so full of urself

me: ok

When you meet someone equally as weird as you

soufflesandbowties:

50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

I missed your skin when you were east

I missed your skin when you were east

Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Guy: Well...yeah.
Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you

tortillah:

when the quiet kid in class makes a good comeback

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katara:

everything always happens so much

near-quaad:

do u ever go to unfollow someone but then u see some rly good posts and u just kind of 

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you can stay

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for now

coffeepeople:

if you are attracted to me you are required by law to tell me. 

lindsaylohoean:

all the people around me are falling in love and im just here falling asleep

metallicpunk:

I have found the mother of all fuck her right in the pussy videos

assiest:

you can’t spell thug without hug

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